I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
