Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
