I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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