tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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