i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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