Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
