I'm going to jail i love you
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
