so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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