Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
