if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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