The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
