she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
