i don't like sucking hair
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
