Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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