What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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