Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
