Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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