Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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