she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
