She's like a pop up book from hell.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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