she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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