yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think my vagina is haunted
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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