ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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