She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
