On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
