I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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