i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
