Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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