All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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