I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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