i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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