My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
