How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
