you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
