My nipple is on Facebook.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You did what with his pubic hair?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
