A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
