saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
