i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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