if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
