no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
