Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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