I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
