Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
