so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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