One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
are you so shy because you have an std?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
