Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
