he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
