just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
