If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
