So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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