You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
